Om stress, sex och beröring som medicin

Redaktör
9 May, 2019 - 14:29

Om stress, sex och beröring som medicin

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Att sexlivet inte skulle vara sig likt under bebistiden var väl inte så otippat, säkert hade du och din partner tänk på det. Tänkt "var sak har sin tid, bebisar växer ju och kommer in i rutiner och då blir det mer tid för oss".

Så, en period av sex-olust och sexlöshet var du förberedd på. Men det skulle väl gå över?

När nu barnet sover på natten, båda jobbar, ni har barnvakt. När ni nu åtminstone korta stunder skulle kunna njuta av varandras kroppar igen. Ändå blir det inte av. Lusten är liksom inte där. Känns som du klarar dig bra utan. Så mycket annat du vill göra och räcka till för. Dessutom har saker hänt med kroppen.

Handen på hjärtat, det känns skönt att ha kroppen för sig själv när barnet fått sitt närhetsbehov uppfyllt. Och hela grejen med sex, är det inte lite överreklamerat? Absolut superhärligt i vissa perioder av livet som när vi är nykära! Men sen, hur nödvändigt är det egentligen?

Och visst. Du behöver inte ha sex. Sex går att välja, och välja bort. Frågan du behöver ställa dig själv är: Har du medvetet valt bort sexet? Eller är det mer att du tappat lusten? Och vad vill din partner? Kanske är ni båda är överens om en tids ”sex-timeout”. Om ni inte är det blir det skav i relationen. Ett skav som ofta blir större och gör mer ont ju längre vi går med det…

Men, du behöver närhet och beröring. När du blir berörd frigörs ämnet oxytocin. Det är en bra medicin på flera sätt. Till exempel: När vi blir oroliga börjar en del av hjärnan, amygdala, att larma. Stresshormoner skickas ut. Men med en dos oxytocin lugnar amygdala ner sig och färre stresshormoner skickas ut. Det har flera studier visat. Så av den enkla, oftast gratis och receptfria medicinen beröring blir du lugnare och mer avspänd. Det kanske känns svårare att välja bort!

Dessutom är oxytocinet bra för anknytningen. Med en dos oxytocin i blodet blir vi mycket mer vänligt inställda till och intresserade av den person vi har nära oss. Vi vill helt enkelt bonda mer med en person som berör oss (tryggt och skönt förstås!). Så om din partern ger dig en härlig axelmassage kommer ni gilla varandra lite mer, där och då.

Mitt heta tips är: säg JA till beröring, även om du just nu känner NEJ till sex. Börja med en sexfri beröringsstund. Bestäm hur länge, till exempel 5 eller 10 minuter. En av er säger sin beröringsönskan, kanske ”Vill du mjukt massera mina axlar?”. Den andra gör bara det som önskades, och exakt den tid som ni bestämt. Sen kan ni byta. Det blir en ”berörings-snabbis” som ger en varm oxytocin-boost! 

Sen kan ni se varandra i ögonen och landa i varandras hjärtan.

Eva Lyberg,
Psykolog, barn- och ungdomspsykoterapeut och sexologi-utbildad.

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