Om att känna sig ensam i sällskap av en bebis

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5 Oktober, 2018 - 12:00

Om att känna sig ensam i sällskap av en bebis

eva-lyberg
Är du en av alla de som sett långa, mjuka dagar framför dig när du tänkt på hur det kommer bli sedan, när det bara är du och din bebis? Som nu, när ”sedan” är här, vaknar med en lätt känsla av panik över att ännu en lång dag ligger framför dig. Bara du och bebisen.

Du som trodde att du skulle älska de där efterlängtade stunderna upptäcker att du istället längtar tillbaka till jobbet. Till livet så som det var. När du inte kände dig så ensam. Du plågas av känslan av skam som kommer. Alla andra verkar så lyckliga och nöjda. Och av den malande oro över hur bebisen påverkas av att det känns så här tomt och ledsamt i dig.

Hur blev det så här?

Följ med mig, så flyger vi upp och ser människorna ovanifrån. Människor i olika kulturer, samhällen, tidsepoker. Titta noga. Vad är det vi ser? Jo, överallt människor tillsammans. I flockar, byar, på släktgårdar. Samlade i större grupper. Så naturligt och självklart. Vi är ju flockdjur. Vårt naturliga tillstånd är att vara tillsammans med andra. I många samhällen har en ensam individ inte klarat sin överlevnad särskilt länge. En ensam mamma med ett spädbarn har setts som en väldigt onaturlig och farlig situation.

Men i Sverige 2018 ser det ut på ett annat sätt. Här samlas vi i små, små grupper med en eller två vuxna och deras eventuella barn. Släkt och vänner är, för många, en bit bort och utspridda. De som bor närmast är oftast främlingar.

När vi nu tittat noga klarnar bilden. Vi förstår att behovet av att vara tillsammans med andra människor är djupt rotat i oss. Naturligt. Ett basbehov. Som mat. Om vi inte får mat, blir vi hungrig och irritabla. Lika självklart och naturligt är det att du får ensamhets-ångest när människan i dig hungrar efter sällskap. Kanske tänker du: ”Men bebisen är ju här! Jag är inte ensam, det bara känns så, fast det inte borde.” Jag tänker så här: En bebis som inte kan prata, förstå vuxenprat, skämta eller ”ha omvärldskoll” kan inte vara ett tillräckligt sällskap till en vuxen människa. Ska inte heller förväntas behöva vara en vuxens människas ”sällskap”. Så har det aldrig varit tänkt och menat.

Så, du nyblivna mamma som känner skam över att du känner dig mer ensam än lycklig. Kom ihåg att du är människa! Och en frisk, välfungerande vuxen människa behöver andra människor omkring sig för att må bra. Det är naturligt och självklart. Så prata med andra omkring dig och säg som det är. Att du behöver sällskap för att må bra. Prata med din partner, om du har en. Tänk tillsammans. Kan din partner gå ner i arbetstid? Kan ni dela föräldraledigheten så att båda jobbar, fast halvtid? Gå med i föräldragrupper eller skapa egna och bjud in. Tänk enkelhet. Promenera ihop. Fika hos varandra. Tänk att du inte behöver leta nya vänner för livet nu, utan mest sällskap en bit på vägen.

Och jag tror att när du känner dig mindre ensam, så kommer stunderna med bebisen kännas mjukare och varmare.

 

Eva Lyberg,
Psykolog & barn- och ungdomspsykoterapeut

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0%B8%A7%E0%B9%87%E0%B8%9A%E0%B8%95%E0%B8%A3%E0%B8%87%3C/a%3E+must+be+powerful+enough+to+run+a+trendy+operating+system.+One+in+all+the+advantages+of+chip+and+PIN+technology+is+that+the+card+reader+does+not+should+be+linked+to+a+telephone+or+Internet+line+to+course+of+the+cost.+Are+chip+and+PIN+cards+actually+more+secure+than+magnetic+stripes%3F+So+these+already+wallet-conscious+merchandise+are+literally+much+more+affordable+than+at+first+glance.+To+be+taught+more+about+on-line+scheduling+and+other+subjects%2C+schedule+a+while+with+the+hyperlinks+on+the+subsequent+web+page.+How+are+firms+using+online+scheduling+systems+to+handle+sophisticated+internal+scheduling%3F+And+right+this+moment%2C+you+may+accomplish+most+of+those+companies+using+specialised+software+program.+The+corporate+routinely+adds+to+its+lineup+by+tweaking+both+the+hardware+or+software+(or+both)+on+its+tablets.+Instead%2C+it%27s+the+actual+fact+that+each+one+of+these+tablets+price+lots+of+of+dollars+less+than+many+other+fashions+you%27ll+find.+Read+on+to+find+out.+For+a+better+method+to+search+out+and+make+dinner+reservations+on-line%2C+check+out+Open+Table.%3C/p%3E

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Vår mottagning på Kungsholmen firar 15 år! Som ett led i firandet under en jubileumsvecka bjuder vi in till ett event om amning.

Gravida och deras...

Publicerad av Petra Nydahl den 6 Mars, 2023 - 10:55
Publicerad av Petra Nydahl den 11 April, 2022 - 15:10
Eventet är uppskjutet tills vidare. Håll utkik på hemsida och sociala medier för uppdateringar.

 

Du kommer att få möta ...

Publicerad av Petra Nydahl den 27 December, 2021 - 15:12

Under våren fick BB Stockholm en ny majoritetsägare, Aleris (51 %). Minoritetsägare är som tidigare Danderyds sjukhus AB (49 %).  Aleris är ett av...

Publicerad av Sofia Berenji den 22 July, 2020 - 14:05
andrea-vattenfödsel

Jag är nämligen också barnmorska, och har nu fött 2 av våra barn på den förlossningsklinik jag själv arbetar på. Första gången, för knappt 2 år sedan, då...

Publicerad av Redaktör den 15 August, 2019 - 11:02
lotta-elvander-2

Att bada under förlossning kan främja och underlätta värkarbetet. Vattnet har en smärtlindrande effekt och ökar känslan av kontroll och tyngdlöshet. 
...

Publicerad av Redaktör den 1 August, 2019 - 11:56
Filippa

Efter förlossningen och inför inspektion av underlivet så erbjuds alltid kvinnan en bäckenbottenbedövning. En god bedövning ger bättre förutsättning för oss...

Publicerad av Redaktör den 7 Juni, 2019 - 10:41
kram-i-park

Så, en period av sex-olust och sexlöshet var du förberedd på. Men det skulle väl gå över?

När nu barnet sover på natten, båda jobbar, ni har barnvakt...

Publicerad av Redaktör den 9 May, 2019 - 14:29

Ofta är det den bilden av BVC omvärlden har och den är helt sann. Vi väger och mäter väldigt ofta, vid varje besök faktiskt. Under de besöken observerar vi...

Publicerad av Redaktör den 25 April, 2019 - 14:28
petra_och_sofia

Det är en stor fördel med att BB Stockholm kan erbjuda hela vårdkedjan. Rotationsbarnmorskorna jobbar både på barnmorskemottagning och förlossning.

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Publicerad av Redaktör den 12 April, 2019 - 13:26

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